100 Good Things About Growing Old - Number 30 (wow, one third of the way through!) Weddings!

Two outings as Mother of the Bride - I will never be the Mother-of-the-Bride again, or if by some chance a second marriage occurs, it of course would lack the same significance.  Loved having my hair and make-up done, simply ADORED wearing a hat, and loved the whole build-up to the events.

Now we have two new sets of in-laws to take into account as we plan for the festive season.  As younger daughter reported after a social event with the four new cousins and their spouses, "It's great to have a new, bigger family".  That's so positive.

I really like both our new sons-in-law - they are very different but seem to get on well with each other - suddenly the generation below has doubled from two to four - and maybe will expand even more in the next couple of years.

There is more to think of in every way - not least having to make more of an effort with social occasions.  I recently had to book an extra hair appointment to ensure I look nice for the New Year's Eve dinner to be hosted by one set of in-laws - it's important to show respect.  Also, I am only too aware of the old saying, you only have to look at her mother to see how your girlfriend will turn out.  So far the spectacle of me has not put them off - long may this continue!

Martin Amis, "The Rub of Time"

A Collection of Essays written between 1986 and 2016

I confess to never having read a novel by Martin Amis.

I did read (possibly) a couple of novels by his father, Kingsley Amis, in my extreme youth (before the age of 24), but I didn't enjoy the masculine tone, or the misogyny, and stopped after "Lucky Jim", and (possibly) "Take a Girl Like You".  I followed the progress of the senior author, via newspaper reports, until the publication of "The Old Devils".  This marked, on reflection, the emergence, within my reading persona, of the habit of taking from the reviews of a much talked-of new novel sufficient information to decide that it would be a waste of time to read the novel itself.

I did like Elizabeth Jane Howard, Kingsley's second wife. I've read almost all her novels.  From her own autobiography, I sensed that Kingsley was an unlikeable man, and after I dipped into a double biography of both Kingsley and Martin Amis, this was confirmed.  However, the latter book included some sharply incisive quotes from the work of both father and son, which whetted my appetite.  This led me to order some books from libraries, to find out more about the twentieth and twenty-first centuries from bite-size chunks of the authors'  output.  No need or desire existed to read even one novel by either, but each seemed in his own way to have put a finger on the pulse of his times.

I'm still waiting for a copy of Zachary Leader's (leading) biography of Kingsley, but a different county library has provided me with Martin's "Experience" and "The Rub of Time".   "Experience" is almost unreadable due to the author's habit (it's almost like he has just undergone colonic irrigation, and can't wait until arrival at a place where voiding would be appropriate) to thrust very lengthy footnotes onto almost every page, intended to illuminate - or perhaps cast a smokescreen of small grit over - the labouring brain of the reader.

"The Rub of Time", however, was easy and rewarding to read.  It was like being handed a potted history of much of what I missed over the last 30 years. This loss, due to the combined demands of working and parenting, resulted in my having little or no time or energy to read beyond the book reviews in the Sunday papers.

The essays confirmed that I don't need to bother seeking out any novels by either Vladimir Nabakov or Philip Roth (who died yesterday).  I've learned all I need to know.

On Philip Larkin,  I remain torn.  He was a much-loved poet of my schooldays, but I never read his novels.  Martin Amis often refers to him, in both the books I've mentioned here, largely because of his childhood memories of Larkin's visits to the family home.  Larkin was a friend and contemporary of Kingsley.   Martin hasn't succeeded in encouraging me to read Larkin again, but he does provide a good summary of the poet's 35 year relationship with a woman called Monica Jones.  I was aware of this (from reading the Sunday Times book reviews over the years) and aware that the affair reflected very badly on Larkin, but knew no details.  Martin's essay, reprinted from The Guardian, (2010) provides all the detail one could desire, without the effort of reading any full-length book.  The essay can be read in full here, and reading it gives a scintillating glimpse of the full Martin Amis range: wit, verbal dexterity, self-confidence, and simultaneous grasp of both the detail and the whole picture.

Here's part of a quotation from Larkin's "Letters to Monica" which Martin helpfully singles out as "the most memorable letter in the book".  Thanks, Martin, it saves me the bother of going through them all.   This letter endorses advice I have been given myself. The full quote can be read in the Guardian article linked above.

"It's simply that in my view you would do much better to revise, drastically, the amount you say and the intensity with which you say it . . .I do want to urge you, with all love & kindness, to think about how much you say & how you say it. "  

Yup, and I say that to myself frequently as well.

 I will look out for more by Mr Amis junior.  In newspapers, of course.

100 Good Things About Growing Old - Numbers 25 to 29

Following the path through sunshine and shade, a little bit steeper, but still beautiful.

25.  I'm still here.

26.  After a brush with the Big C, and an anxious period of waiting for biopsy results, I've had good results which indicate no spread of malignant cells.

27. Friends and family have shown their true worth and goodness, and I do NOT mean that in an ironical way.

28. I don't worry about unimportant things, like what people might think about that awful coat I wear in cold weather.

29. Every day seems like a gift.

A Country Church

As ever, visiting churches and looking at ancient monuments is a great form of solace.

This Tower at Barnack Church, near Stamford dates back to pre-Conquest times.  There is a Saxon sundial over the window, and a Saxon carving under the clock.  Saxon long and short work can be seen on the left.

Inside the church are some tombs, and a Victorian replacement rood screen.

There is also a carving of Christ in his Majesty.  Debate as to the age of this carving is found in the Church Guide Book.

Some think it is of the same date as the Tower, others that it dates to the 13th century with Saxon influence.

The symbolic gesture of blessing is very similar to that in the Saxon Angel carving at Breedon on the Hill, in the Church of St Mary and St Hardulph, Leicestershire.

I visited last week, having just been to the dentist, and had to explain that I'd rather not have an X-Ray right now, as I will be experiencing a nuclear (in the sense of radio-active) lymph node probe the week after next, and prefer to limit radiation exposure.  Also that the toothache I had been experiencing was in fact due to me clenching and clamping my teeth together so fiercely, whilst asleep, that even my plastic mouthguard could not protect them from the undue pressure.

Just going inside the church at Barnack gave me an instant dopamine shot of feelings of peace and release of tension.